I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
