I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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