well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
