very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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