I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
