About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
