I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
