does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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