i was born a porn star she said
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
