not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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