Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
