1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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