He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
