I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
