he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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