So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
