I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
