can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She needs sedatives and a leash
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
