my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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