In the future we'll all be gay
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
