She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
