that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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