The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
