I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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