Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
