There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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