I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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