So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
