I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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