Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
