I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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