No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
