We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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