I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
