oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My balls are so social today.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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