I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
