I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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