..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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