hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
