nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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