you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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