if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
