At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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