please come you make the beer taste better
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
