I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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