Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
