Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I forgot how hot balto sounded
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
