I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
