there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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