There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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